Travel Story: My Date With an Australian Girl Part 2

After continuous gestering at her vagina. Lucy settled back down into her seat.

Before I uttered a word, some guy called Craig, who was grey haired and looking over twice my age introduced himself as a friend. As it turns out he is just a regular loser who comes to this club every week.

Some forgettable banter passed and Craig came out with ‘Will you marry me Lucy?’ which seemed a bit fast, and in all honesty distasteful. I was actually hoping Lucy would say yes and I’d have a good excuse to leave.

She said no, and thus there goes my invitation to an Australian white wedding (our Michigan wedding party bus included).  But I had another chance not too long after. Another guy of similar elderly age called Dan joined us. And again (maybe threatened by the presence of someone new in the group?) decided now was also the night to propose to Lucy.

Amazed by the stupid bunch of people I found myself with, I was once again in a situation where I needed to get away.  Before I could think of anything, Lucy once again ran off, this time with Dan joining her on the dance floor. I noticed an overweight white version of Ice T doing his thing in the cretin dance area. Of course Lucy decided to dance with him for a bit, with Elly joining in too this time.

After this Lucy settled down briefly to acknowledge the presence of a (approximately) 70 year old lady.

‘I want to fight her.’ She said staring at her.

‘What?’ I replied, not really realising what she had done wrong.

I noticed Dan was speaking to her. She was probably closer to his age than Lucy was anyway. Maybe it’s a jealousy thing.

‘Who the fuck does she think she is coming here?’ Lucy Said.

I looked around to notice that she wasn’t the only old lady here, in fact our table seemed to be lowering the average age of the people in the place alone.

What Lucy appeared to get was a case of the mental and just decided to grab a bit of attention back to herself that this unthreatening woman had. Of course it came to nothing just Lucy steaming away on her own for no reason, maybe Dan proposed to her too. Either way, the desire to fight a 70 year old woman is not something I look for in a partner, so I decided Lucy definitely wasn’t for me, if that already hadn’t been made clear.

When I first met with Lucy this evening I told them where I had parked my campervan, as I had been drinking I couldn’t move it legally, so any form of escape would only get me out of her sights temporarily.

Two more guys approached us. They were in their early twenties, and it was nice to see people of this age group for a change tonight. Stephen was a normalish guy, and Ethan who told me he was an aboriginal. Although he was the whitest aboriginal person I ever met, more so than myself. I figured it was some sort of thing to say to make him seem interesting, being a friend of Lucy automatically disqualified him from being that interesting though.

‘So, when are you going to make your move?’ Stephen asked me, gestering at Lucy.

‘I think I’ll give this one a miss to be honest’ I replied. I didn’t add the words ‘I can do better’ as I wasn’t sure on how close these guys were to her.

‘Are you after someone else then? We can get you someone’ Ethan added.

‘Erm… I guess’

‘Yeah, what about Sam?’ Stephen added.

‘Sam will do ya!’ Ethan

‘Same sucks good dick’ Stephen added.

‘Sounds like a classy girl’ I replied.

‘Yeah, she sucks good dick’ Ethan confirmed.

I’m sure a girl with such a reputation has a face like a bikers knee, but I saw this as my opportunity to get away from Lucy, with the risk of potentially get myself into even more trouble.

‘OK, where do I meet her?’ I asked.

‘She’ll be in two-ohs (a nickname for the only other club in town, this one being a nightclub in the traditional sense though) all night’ Stephen said.

‘Let’s we go now, drink up!’ Ethan announced.

I had only just got myself another glass, so they sung a traditional Australian song in which they called me a bastard trying to get me to down in it one (I’m sure plenty of other Australians will know the song?). Whilst Lucy and Elly looked on, wondering what was going on.

Ethan and Stephen announced we was leaving, and to my surprise Lucy looked like she was going to burst into tears like she’d been dumped. I found it weird as all of a sudden she wanted me there, but sticking with the plan I left and we made our way to the nightclub.

My first opportunity of escape were the bouncers. Traditionally annoyed at spending their nights with drunks it would be a chance to not get in, and thus leave, however they signalled us all through after scanning with a handheld metal detector, it’s times like this when I wish I had a gun or knife on me.

So we got in and the receptionist exchanged $10 for ink on my hand and entrance in.  What happened next was boring and Sam wasn’t there, so I made my excuses and got away from Ethan and Stephen, leaving them feeling like they let me down, although really I think they saved me that night.

Tagged as: Australia, Date, Drinking, Travel Story