I got a fair amount of attention in the Mystery Machine, from people shouting ‘Where’s Scooby Doo?’ to me whilst driving, kids with their mouth wide open at the fact cartoons might actually be real life. Eldery people who think I have a drug habit. Bored police and security guards who feel threatended by a tri-colour vehicle during their car park rounds. I also met Lucy (name changed to protect the innocent) sitting in it too whilst eating pizza.
After a little chat we decided to meet up at a later date, she seemed like a normal girl, a bit bubbly but nice enough to hang around with for a night, so I went along to meet her… what could possibly go wrong?
Anyway, I turned up one hour late, thanks to the Mystery Machine deciding it was not the night to leave it alone. So a call to roadside rescue to get the engine started (it constantly had battery issues) and I was off, only to not find Lucy at all.
I figured she had turned up, assumed I had stood her up and left (we didn’t exchange phone numbers), so I got myself a beer and made myself comfy in front of an electronic blackjack machine, after an hour of this I decided to have one last look at where I was supposed to meet her and… She was there.
So I walked on over and she was there with her friend Elly who of course was the token cock-block for the night (and also there when I first met them outside Dominoes). Anyway after the 13 seconds of excitement of seeing me turn up Lucy ran off to dance like a cretin when a new song came on from the live, and terrible band.
So I just sat there watching her. I don’t really dance, certainly not when sober anyway. So I let her get on with it. When she returned from the sort of routine that should get people sectioned into a mental institution I offered a round of drinks but both girls declined – they weren’t drinking. I of course needed all the alcohol I could get to put up with them for the night so I made my way to the bar.
Upon returning with my schnooner of VB I arrived to a table with Elly again looking utterly miserable as her role of guardian over the idiot I am spending the night with whilst Lucy was back on the dance floor.
When the crap song ended Lucy made her way over, she got about 2 metres within the table and the band started playing Madonna’s ‘Like a virgin’. So of course Lucy screamed and turned around and carried on dancing, this time gestering at her vagina as she did so. I had my doubts she was actually a virgin.
Anyhow, that’s the end of part 1, part 2 will contain the marriage proposals, fighting a 70 year old lady and me being ‘saved’ by Lucys friends.